And I thank the Lord...

I had a conversation tonight that sparked the image I'm going to try to verbalize/share below : 

 

When we eat an apple, we can ( as is most common ) simply discard the core with the seeds. Fun Fact Freebie *did you know that apple seeds contain trace amounts of cyanide and if too many of them got chewed/crushed and ingested, they COULD kill a person?*

- OR- 

We can plant them. Change its environment ( from inside of the apple, just being sustained, not thriving) to something completely new - soil, loaded with nutrients- and watch the seed thrive and grow and make MORE apples and MORE seeds...

I see us (the children of God) as the seeds. 

Instead of discarding us, despite our propensity to cause disaster among ourselves when left alone, and having no means to survive or even simply sustain ourselves long-term, 

he graciously planted us in himself. 

• We were no longer "discards" but now, full of limitless potential. 
• We now can rely on HIM, our soil to sustain us, as we simply abide. 
• But not just sustain... but flourish and thrive. And bear much much fruit. 

John 15 makes it clear :

7) If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.

8)This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

9)"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.

16)You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. 

Matthew 7 takes it further...

16You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. 18A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. 19So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. 20Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.

and Matthew goes on to reiterate the importance of abiding in the vine to produce fruit and not of ourselves. Not by might or power, but of the Spirit.  Spirit produces Spirit fruit. 

(see James 3...11 Can clean water and dirty water both flow from the same spring? 12 Can a fig tree produce olives or a grapevine produce figs? Does fresh water come from a well full of salt water?)

Thankfully, by Grace, when we simply abide in the Spirit, we can be assured we are producing like fruit, and His love will be known!

Hand Me Ups.

There’s something that I recently faced that used to make me MAD. So so mad. 

But anger, as a wise friend once told me, is actually just a symptom of a deeper problem. 

Someone can be angry but what they really feel is … misunderstood, manipulated, fear of rejection, many things… and in this case? Abandoned. Rejected. Unwanted. 

But those aren’t anywhere near the truth. 

As I’ve discovered the truth of who I am and who God is, It’s set me free.  (you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free)I am not any of the things listed above. 

What you perceive isn’t always reality. 

There’s always a choice to make - what to believe. Life or death. Which tree to eat from. What the world offers or what God offers. 

So the event that used to start a cycle of depression, self-doubt, rejection, and anger now provides me with relief, and even peace! So weird. But super cool. 
But. In order for me to get there, I had to “Hand Me Up” a few things. 

Let me explain what I mean...

Most everyone is familiar with or even a recipient of hand-me-downs. I love my mom's sweatshirt I nabbed one time!

I was recently gifted with some glass food storage containers. I was able to and almost HAD to find something to do with my worn (but still usable) plastic Tupperware to make room for my glass containers. I was able to give some to some friends who were excited to get them and make use of them (lambano!) 

Also, I was given some friend’s closet cleanout clothes but before I can hang my new clothes, I must go through my current ones to make room and hopefully find a good new home for them all. 

That’s what I mean by Hand Me Up … clearing out the old to make room for the new. 

With our mindsets, we must take inventory of what we are believing and how it’s serving us.
Is it producing life? Or draining us? 

John 15 says "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." {:2, NIV}

As we walk through the vineyard of our minds with the guidance and expertise of the keeper, he can show us what mindsets, relationships, and  motives  need to be pruned or cut off. He will only do this in love. It's who he is. There is no condemnation in Him.

But as we allow him to tend to our garden, we find what we "gave up" is NOTHING, compared to what it clears the way for!

Paul says it so perfectly in his letter to the church in Phillippia...  

But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. 8Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, (SOME VERSIONS EVEN SAY DUNG!!) 

...that I may gain Christ 9and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; 10that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, 11if, by any means, I may attain[b] to the resurrection from the dead.

12Not that I have already attained,or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. {3:7-14, NKJV}

 And again to the church of Rome... "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." {8:18, NIV}

As Paul AGAIN tells the Church in Corinth, We are being transformed Glory to Glory. {2 Cor 3:18}. 

As we allow the Lord to tend to the vineyard of our lives (mindsets, relationships, habits, etc) we can expect some loving cutting away of parts that aren't giving life but taking it. And pruning for health. But we can ALSO  expect more fruit as we abide and mature. We can expect the space of the things we "give up" ( rubbish and dung, really...) to be filled with GOOD things. 

All good and perfect gifts come from the Father. But sometimes, he's just asking us to help him make a little room for the good He wants to add to us! 

Zzzzzz’s

 Tonight, as I’m snuggled in my cozy bed , in my two bedroom apartment with a couch and able to adjust the temp anyway I want, turn off the fan , or add blankets ... whatever... I can’t help of think of some people I’ve encountered this week .... (and it’s only Wednesday)... the dad of a elevated needs kid sleeping on a friends couch to have shelter for him and his son. His ex sleeping in whatever abandoned houses / buildings she can. The guy I saw making camp next to the highway tonight. The mom sleeping on a couch next to drafty windows because it’s all that will fit in her apartment. I’m so thankful and yet my heart cries for them. 

Sigh

As I sit here alone on another Saturday night, eating dinner and ice cream with Netflix, I just have to wonder.

Wonder where’s the balance of I know the Lord is a GOOD GOOD father, and loves to delight us and  gives us the desires of our hearts , and the other side of the coin of no matter how much we may want something it  may or may not be His best for us.

In this particular situation I’m thinking about, I trust Him but the not knowing is driving me crazy.

I also wonder why/ how  the church has been so slack in caring for the singles?
Why not invite us to a dinner at home or out occasionally so we don’t eat alone?
Why not include us in game nights and etc?

After working all day, plus doing all the grocery shopping, cooking annnnd cleaning and trying to keep up on housework, car maintenance, bills, health, etc ... I find myself too exhausted to try to make plans with others that fall through. Or continuously make the effort to plan stuff.

I’ve came to a point where I’ve stopped chasing people and realized they have multiple ways to contact me. (Hello, social media ... they can fb message me, text me, snap me, call me, instagram message me, email me... etc...). Putting forth (seemingly ALL)  the effort to initiate hanging out got exhausting.

But coming home to an empty house every night and not having anyone to process with or just play games with to decompress or not remembering the last hug you got is a different exhaustion.

Rolling the R's.

A friend texted me tonight and asked how I was doing.

Now, aside from ignoring her, there's two basic responses that could come from this. 

One, the basic, general, run of the mill cop out , surface-y " oh I'm good, thanks ", much like I give my customers at work, or an acquaintance . {why do we do this? Fear of not appearing perfect? News flash, no one is. Maybe we don't think they really wanna hear? They shouldn't have asked. If they asked it's not a pity party. And no one should be expected to be perfect 100% of the time.  

Two, an authentic, Raw, healing answer. 

Me,being me, an  affectionado of authenticity, I knew I could trust my friend with my heart and welcomed the pause to take inventory amidst a busy day. 

My response? 

"Recovering"

It got me thinking. 

In any type of trauma - spiritual, emotional, physical, mental, financial... there seems to be a process that requires one to roll the Rs . 

There's the recognition.  The yeah, I have a problem, and this specific thing is it.  It's been said that admission of a problem is half the battle. 

Then the response. The flight or fight. The I'm tired of this and I want change. Or the ok just gonna run and ignore ( I don't recommend this. ) 

Then the recon . How are you going to quit digging the hole deeper, and get out of the hole? Who are you asking for help? What goals do you want to meet? What does that look like? 

Then the rescue. The practical steps to change the situation. 

Next, repetition. Think of this of trial and error. Finding the right strategies and response and resources.  Takes patience and determination, constant evaluation 

Recover. Once you found a treatment, time to work the plan. 

Rejuvenate/ Rebuild. Find and Get used to a new normal, get strength back. Renew and restore What was damaged or lost. 

Reevaluate : successes? Needs improvement? Goals met? What do you want to continue to improve about this situation? Do you need to go back a few steps? 

Anyway, file this one under #WhatImLearning. 

Not every issue you face will look the same. No two people deal with the same issue the same way. No process looks the same as another. They take various lengths of time, and each aera can vary. Sometime s, it's like a loopy roller coaster.... abcbcdbefcdfg... going back to steps you've already completed and retrying. 

During that part , it can be depressing. Discouraging. Draining. I dare say it's vital to have someone - anyone - you trust in your corner championing for you. Find those people. 

Give yourself and others GRACE. 

Peace out. 

'Ello there

Hi there.  It's been a little over a year since I last wrote. Oh what are year it's been. I am currently working  a job I absolutely love… Three ,actually.

 One of my jobs lets me cook for my clients. I wanted to have a post or maybe future post as well about the meals we cook mainly for my future reference but also to share the ideas with you and get ideas from you.

 Tonight we had "Sloppy Tots" - frozen tater tot's cooked in the oven then hamburger meat cooked and mixed with manwhich  layered over the tots  and then all of that covered with cheese  and thrown in the oven until the cheese melts.  It was delicious.  I put ketchup on mine. Other people used sour cream and hot sauce.


 A previous meal I made was frozen microwavable corn dogs cooked in the microwave with a stick removed ,  layered in a baking dish  then topped with canned chili  and cheese  and once again put in the oven until the cheese melts.   Can also be personalized with ketchup  or hot sauce or whatever.


A sweet treat we did recently was I took canned biscuits, put them in a greased baking dish, used a fork to make holes in them, and poured a mix of melted butter, cinnamon and brown sugar over the biscuits. I  baked according to package directions.  When they were done, I topped  with a simple icing of powdered sugar , vanilla and milk. So yummy.

 That's all I can think of at the moment.  If you have any ideas  I would be more than happy to  hear them.

 until next time ...

A goodbye

Sigh. I guess I knew this was coming. But avoided it.

 I'm the girl that once I meet you and get to know you a bit, I'm sold. This is good and bad. I try to reflect God in all I do, and portray His character. I bear his name, so I am {mostly} intentional about checking myself and being a good witness.

This means cultivation of "I'll never leave nor forsake you".

I have a hard time "letting people go. " I don't know why. I'm just in the mindset of not leaving someone out in the cold or alone in the battle. I'm a firm believer in community. This can get has gotten me in trouble. I fall into the trap of not caring for my self, not refreshing the well, and either being empty or full of stagnant water.

I love fiercely  and hurt deeply when the relationship ends- especially due to preventable offense.

I have hung on to relationships that were toxic either due to blindness, or in hopes of change, or being a catalyst for that change.

This has cost me dearly. Friends. Jobs.  Sleep. Health. Dignity. Self esteem. Time I can't get back with my family. Peace. Joy. On and on.

Even the toxic  relationships I've ended and cried over I still miss them.

I miss you. I miss the jokes. The laughs. The good times. What I know as the "Real" you. I don't miss the abuse. I don't miss the manipulation. I wish things were different. I wish I didn't miss you. Itd make it easier. I wish I could move on. I wish You could  could  see how much you're loved , so you wouldn't be so offended  and sad and stressed and uptight and hurt and hurt others. I know - now- that hurt people hurt people. If you're lashing out its to release the pain you feel inside. I wish I was still allowed in your life to help you. To pray with you. To love on you. To let you know how much you're adored. How much potential you have. To not give up. To not push people away.  That brokenness is beautiful. That community is messy. And that's ok. It's supposed to be that way. I'm ok with your mistakes and growth in progress, and mine. I just wish you were. I miss you. I miss your unique piece of the Father in my life. I miss learning from you. Serving you and with you. Your insight in the Word. Sigh. I feel incomplete.

But yet oddly complete in Him. He's never left me hanging. He's more than faithful. I earnestly pray that you've began the journey of knowing his pursuit of you. Of His Good heart and thoughts towards you. Of His perfect plan. Of His redemption, grace and mercy.

But still. I miss you.

I can't wait to truly fellowship with   you again, even if it's not until it's for all eternity. I love you. I'm praying  for you.